Anything to avoid running into myself

Photos by Author

This piece is in no way meant to diminish the very real struggles that many people are experiencing during the COVID-19 pandemic. I write now about my own tribulations while acknowledging that I am incredibly privileged in this crisis.

I never learned how to be alone. Before COVID-19 burst onto the scene, the prospect terrified me. Who was I to spend time with myself? What could possibly be so interesting about me that I would want to prolong the lifetime I was already forced to entertain my own body?

In the before times, I…

This Is Us

My own feelings paled in comparison to the men in my life

Photo dated to 7/15/2020 of a window with slightly light pink sky.
Photo dated to 7/15/2020 of a window with slightly light pink sky.
All photos by author

The language I have to discuss my experiences feels like a very gender essentialist view of human beings in many ways. Because this is my blog, I do not have language outside of my own experiences to express them otherwise. In no way does this encapsulate the range, depth, and complexity of human experience, particularly in regard to gender.

When I was in the 8th grade, I fell in love with my dad’s friend, Patrick. Patrick was 6’5, 250 pounds, and 42 years old. I was so in love with him. He would come over to the house, and I…

Painted Ladies by Kyle Mills

All of my friends kind of want to die. I learned this when I stumbled across this piece by adrienne maree brown, one of my favorite writers of all time. She says,

i have ideated suicide in the past, thought it didn’t much matter if i was here or not, and so it didn’t much matter how i treated myself or others. when i was in that phase of ambiguous commitment to life, i took risks with my mind and body that i couldn’t imagine taking now.

I read this, and it made perfect sense to me because I have…

Maya Novak-Herzog

PhD student. I like to write about my life.

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