where does the time go

On the second anniversary of my grandma’s death I buy fancy jewelry

I call my mom

I take my kitty to the vet

On the second anniversary of my grandma’s death, I go for a walk

I rewatch Forks

I make tomato salad and the burrata gets everywhere

On the second anniversary of my abortion, I take a cold shower

I cuddle my kitten

I RSVP to my step-sister’s wedding

On the second anniversary of my abortion, I eat a tuna sandwich

I teach my class

I lose $100 at the new casino downtown

Halfway through roulette I realize, oh, it’s been two years

I had forgotten

The time moves fast and slow

It has been two years

It has been two years!

It has been so long

It has been no time at all

Where does the time go?

I do not talk to my grandma like some people do, but I remember the way she felt. I remember the way she lit up when she saw me. I remember what it was like to love her like a little child and feel her goodness after all those years.

I do not miss any baby like some people do but I remember what it felt like to have one inside me. I remember what it was like to be in the clinic…